WITH THE SEATTLE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL safely over for another year, it’s time for a gentle reminder to celluloid-hypnotized Seattleites about the significant differences between the real world and the world depicted in motion pictures:
In the real world:
- People who speak in other languages don’t have little lines of English-language print in front of them.
- Cops who “break all the rules” aren’t always heroes.
- Men have genitalia too.
- There are actually more older women than there are older men.
- Violent criminals aren’t all that hip or fashionable, and usually don’t utter very clever catch phrases.
- Most African-American men are neither athletes, musicians, nor criminal thugs.
- Most African-American women are not prostitutes.
- The populations of Los Angeles and other major U.S. cities include significant numbers of Hispanics, African-Americans, Asian-Americans, overweight people, non-wealthy people, children, and brunettes.
- Seattle doesn’t look exactly like Vancouver.
- Objects in outer space don’t make sounds. Not even when they explode.
- Deaf, aged, or disease-ridden people are no more or less saintly than anybody else.
- Most North American adults work in jobs. Many of these jobs are rather unglamorous.
- Most sagas of racial struggle and injustice don’t centrally involve, and aren’t solved by, a noble white male hero.
- Gay men aren’t always cute and fabulous; lesbians aren’t always smugly self-righteous.
- More than half the Americans who were alive during the year 1968 were not, at the time, college students.
- People often talk to one another for longer than two minutes at a time.
- Private investigators handle many more divorces than homicides, and spend more time searching databases than firing guns or chasing cars.
- International espionage agents are often not particularly athletic.
- Women often don’t wake up in the morning already wearing make-up or with their hair perfectly styled.
- Sexual intercourse involves odd smells, silly noises (such as that of two tummies in friction), awkward pauses, imperfect bodies, and sticky messes. At least when it’s done right.
- Teenagers and young adults have additional drives and goals besides sex.
- Adulterous affairs don’t always lead to violent confrontations ending in one or more tragic deaths.
- Some people go to church. Some of these people are not necessarily moralistic stuck-ups. Some of them even have sex.
- Physically and mentally challenged people don’t exist merely for our amusement.
- More people lose at lotteries, slot machines, battle-of-the-bands competitions, etc. than win them.
- Pain hurts.
MONDAY: Mulling some possible changes to this site.
ELSEWHERE:
