I’D BEEN TRYING FOR SOME TIME to write a fictional character who would be the perfect embodiment of the mythical “Northwest Lifestyle” as anointed by the local media and advertisers.
You know, the people portrayed by models in Nordstrom catalogs and condominium brochures. All grinning with a freshed-faced, fetishistic blandness. Always of child-bearing adult age, but seldom seen in the presence of children. Always white (or at least pretending to be).
A lover (but not too ardently) of mellow music, fancy restaurants, fine wines, outdoor recreation, winter vacations in Hawaii, upscale shopping, coffee jokes, gardening, and vaguely “outdoorsy” but still office-acceptable fashions.
A possessor of wealth, but never excessively ostentatious about displaying it.
A figure almost totally devoid of ethnicity, ideology, religious belief, strong emotins, or personality.
I couldn’t get inside this character’s soul; just what someone like that would think or feel. Then it hit me: This character isn’t the epitome of Northwest Lifestyle nothingness; she’s simply trying extremely hard to live up to the ideal. She’s trying to be someone she’s not, as a way to hide what she hates and/or fears about her real self.
Then it hit me: Perhaps the “Northwest Lifestyle” personality doesn’t really exist, at least as promoted.
I felt SUCH a sense of relief at the thought!
Maybe nobody really is as plain, soulless, appearance-perfect, and self-satisfied as the images. And if any real-life people (as opposed to models’ assigned personas) appear to fit the “Lifestyle,” they could themselves be faking it out of fear, dread, peer pressure, or some combo of the above.
So my challenge to you is: If you, or anyone you know, really does live the featureless, passionless “happiness” that is the Northwest Lifestyle, let me know. Bonus prizes will be yours if you’re willing to share your Lifestyle with our readers, and if you can explain, in detail, why you think the above rant is full of Zoo Doo.
NEXT: Turning this little business into a mighty media empire.
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