FOLLOWING THE TRAGIC November crash of a jetliner in New York City, the press and the government spokesfolk repeatedly proclaimed there were “no apparent links” between the crash and the terror attacks two months previous. In a world wracked by acts of deliberate harm, the authorities felt a compelling need to reassure all of us that accidents indeed still occurred.
Herewith, some other major and minor tragedies with no, repeat NO, apparent links to terrorists:
- The Mariners’ failure to win the American League pennant.
- The Ash Wednesday earthquake.
- Dead dot-coms.
- Your loser boyfriend who wanted you to have sex with his dad as a Christmas present.
- Sappy Meg Ryan movies.
- Pro basketball’s continuing domination by the Lucking Fakers.
- Oldsmobile dying; Isuzu continuing to live.
- The ex-roommate who keeps making collect calls in your name.
- The boss who keeps threatening to fire you for not doing what she never told you she wanted you to do.
- Your girlfriend always wanting to do it when you don’t, and never wanting to when you do.
- The Napster shutdown.
- An “economic stimulus” bill that gives everything to corporate management, nothing to the unemployed.
- Cell-phone contract terms.
- The Digital Millennium Copyright Act.
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