LISA SUCKDOG CARVER wrote the finest-ever ode to the faded glory that is Kmart, in her old zine Rollerderby. Here’s an excerpt:

“Kmart is great. All that stuff strewn around aisle after air-conditioned

aisle, and the easy listening makes you really feel like you’re shopping.

Don’t be daunted by the piles of voluminous clothing in ugly colors. Have

some patience and the prizes–like ban dana halter tops–will be yours…for

$1.99 each!!! The problem most people have with Kmart clothes is they’re

cheaply-made and behind-the-times. But that’s no problem for me! Some of

my best friends are cheaply-made and behind-the-times…oh, ho, ho, I crack

me up! Actually, that’s true about my friends. Anyway, what do I care if

my clothes fall apart after 20 wear ings? I don’ t want to wear the same

thing a million times anyway. And if I really love something, I’ll buy three

of it– that way I can be seen in it 60 times. And I’ve still paid only

six dollars! As for not being fashionable: I think it’s cute to be six months

to two years–or more!–behind everybody else. So some gal might look at

you in your tight K-mart jumpsuit (pink, with match ing pink bubblegum popping

in and out of your pink glossy lips) and think, “God, that outfit is

so 1982! And there’s a thread unraveling–can’t she afford anything better?!”

But that mean gal’s boyfriend is thinking, “That looks good!””

Carver’s whole Kmart essay is apparently not available online, but this similarly-flavored essay is.