THE POKEMON FAD might be fading fast, but it’s still a useful metaphor for much of human society. The Japanese-invented cartoon universe of 151 cute “Pocket Monsters” is, like many anime creations, much more complex and layered than U.S.-devised kiddie fare.
Thus, its characters can even be used to symbolize the U.S. Presidential election.
Herewith, our first-ever “Poke-President” guide:
AL GORE: The perfect Poke-world stand-in for Droning Al is Jigglypuff– the wide-eyed Pokemon who defeats its opponents by singing a lovely song that puts them all to sleep. Jigglypuff thinks its song is merely beautiful; when all other Pokes and humans go snoozin’ as a result, it takes out a felt-tip pen and draws scornful patterns on their faces. Sort of like a policy wonk chiding us for not fully appreciating his 151-point economic platforms.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Most perfectly represented by the cross-eyed Psyduck. This Poke-critter attempts to disable its fighting foes by sending out a psychic “confusion attack,” only to usually end up making itself too confused to even know which way it’s going. It’s even capable of staring itself down in a reflecting pond to the point of paralysis. Still, it’s cuddly and sympathetic in its usually pathetic attempts to hold its own in the arena of combat.
PAT BUCHANAN: There are several bad-guy Poke-critters who could symbolize our aging borderline-bigot, but the most appropriate is Koffing. This Pokemon floats through the air to launch a lethal “smokescreen attack”–subjecting the other Pokemon (and its own trainers) with an unbreathable cloud of thick black smoke. Thus, it’s a perfect match for Pat, who (heart symbols) big polluters and is always blowing a lot of hot air.
RALPH NADER: Fighting Ralph’s most apropos Poke-counterpart is the fire-breathing Charizard. One of the most powerful good-guy Pokemon, Charizard’s a never-say die competitor–when there’s a truly important cause at stake. But it can’t be bothered to take part in the commercialized nonsense of organized Pokemon cockfighting (the Poke-world’s counterpart to organized sports, and hence a great metaphor for the meaningless gamesmanship rites of organized politics). When asked to combat just for the sake of combatting, it will blow flames in the face of its would-be trainers and go back to sleep.
TOMORROW: On the Sound Transit commuter train.
ELSEWHERE:
