5/88 ArtsFocus Misc.

If Pacific Northwest Bell Was “Ma Bell,”

Will US West Be “Phones R US”?

Here at Misc. we’ve been accused of being “cynical-chic.” NOT TRUE! We love life. We love our world. We love our city. We love so much that we have to cheer when something great happens (Hunthausen pleading for a city of compassion, not just construction), or boo when something awful happens (Fatal Attraction and Broadcast News even considered for Oscars? Come now).

HEADLINE OF THE MONTH: The P-I’s “Women and Men: What’s the Difference?” (3/30) came close, but the honor has to go to the same paper’s dually-pronounceable “Bon Marches to Different Drum” (4/4).

JUNK FOOD OF THE MONTH: Betty Crocker Pudding Roll-Ups. Their taste has been described as akin to “a flattened Tootsie Roll.” But the best part is using the ol’ motor skills to unwrap ’em. The package has handy instructions for this, complete with the warning, “Peel from cellophane before eating.”

JUST SAY “WHY?”: You’ve heard much lately about alleged “drug gangs” infiltrating our streets. Well, there is a drug gang afoot. It sponsors violence and terror in this and other countries. It shows no shame for killing (either immediately or via addiction) to pursue its goals. The US branch of this gang is headquartered in Langley, Va. The former head of this branch now wants to be your president.

YET, IT JUST MAY BE DECIDED by historians that 4/15/88 was the last day of the Reagan Era. Millions discovered that the new “tax reform” was a crippling blow to even middle-class aspirations, while a few hundred millionaires discovered some well-buried loopholes created especially for them.

THE DEEP END: King and Pierce Counties still can’t seem to decide which of ’em gets to build the swimming pool for the 1990 Goodwill Games. The answer’s simple: Build it across the line, so the hunks will dive from one county and come up in the other.

STARS IN HELL: Everyone’s pal James Garner tells us for a year that we should eat all the beef we can, then has multiple-bypass surgery. Makes ya wonder about Cybill Shepherd (who’d take care of her poor kids?)… Tiffany, America’s answer to Japan’s underage “idol” pop stars, gets no respect from nobody. First she sues her mom, who’s raking in big bucks while locking Ms. T’s dough in trust funds. Then ma reports her (who moved out of the family home to live with a grandmother) as a runaway. Finally, it turns out that it was all started by her manager, who gets half her record royalties, has creative control of her career for the next six years, and wants all competing influences out of her life.

STORY OF O’S: For the first time in years, a baseball team has caught the heart of America. Folks everywhere are rooting for the Baltimore Orioles to achieve a record losing season. Best from our perspective, the O’s (or Zeroes have appropriated all the nasty cracks people used to say about the Mariners.

SCHOOL DAZE INDEED: Pacific Dessert Co. on Denny recently had a display of art by Stevens School students. Our fave’s the short story that begins, “Isaac A. Stevens was a great MONSTER. He would go to towns and make them name a school after him or their town would be crushed.”

DISASTER OF THE MONTH: The NY State Thruway was closed the morning of 4/13. A delivery truck crashed, dumping chocolate bars and caramels onto the roadway. In the damp morning air it all congealed into a gooey mess, making the road impassable.

BYE BYE BUCKS: Clever crooks in Chicago wrote checks on paper specially treated to disintegrate before the banks could process ’em. We’ve finally found the answer to our growing waste-paper problem!

CATHODE CORNER: Initial reports give Ross Shafer’s shift on the Fox Late Show twice as many viewers as original star Joan Rivers. Fret not if he goes to LA for good; Almost Live has thrived in his absence and should get even better with a new, less mainstream direction…. Some of KING-AM’s too-few fans are upset that part of Jim Althoff’s airtime was given to ex-KZAM “Rock of the ’80s” legend Marion Seymour. Me? I can’t get enough of that throaty whisper. Last year, I said ’70s nostalgia would be the Next Big Thing. Now, it’s already time for ’80s nostalgia! Which brings us to….

LOCAL PUBLICATIONS OF THE MONTH: I know, I’ve said the punk worldview was dead or at least passé. But to many self-publishers it’s back, older and maybe even wiser. Recent items devoted to the ol’ “new music” and/or related philosophies: SLR (great J. Wasserman and Elizabeth Louden photos, ordinary indulgent texts), Swellsville (fascinating piece on UK “wimp pop,” but if you want subscriptions print an address), Yeah! (mainly for Young Fresh Fellows/Prudence Dredge fans), Backlash (mainly for Soundgarden fans), Zero Hour (interesting works relating postpunk attitudes to the outside world, nice tabloid format, ugly typewriter type), the KCMU Wire (their biggest yet, describing some of the great records buried within the station’s long sets). Any week now: new numbers of Pop Lust and Four-Five One.

PHILM PHUN: The best part of Aria, that great “opera video” compilation film, was seeing the audience totally perplexed by Jean-Luc Godard’s “auteur as dirty old man” segment, then totally relieved when the next segment took over. I’ve never seen people so pleased to see Buck Henry’s face…. An even greater film, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, overtly mentions Oedipus and other literary works, but look closely for (appropriate) references to TV’s The Prisoner…. The sale of Luxury Theaters (of Coliseum Theater infamy) to UA Theaters (a much more reputable operator) fell through. Damn.

THE BYTE BIZ: City to City, a new database product for personal computers, purports to tell the straight scoop about every big town a bizperson might fly to. Punch up the entry for Seattle and you get the “Emerald City” and “liquid sunshine” lines bound to brand you as a pesky tourist (or peskier newcomer). At least they do mention the Dog House.

‘TIL JUNE, write “Wish You Were Here” beneath the Earth stamp on all your letters, read the deluxe comic books East Texas by local Michael Dougan and Hard Boiled Defective Stories by ex-local Charles Burns, and return next time for the column’s second anniversary (that’s the china anniversary).

11/87 ArtsFocus Misc.

To comply with the water shortage, your favorite column, Misc., has made its wit even drier this month.

Earlier this year, I predicted a ’70s revival. While wide ties, brown polyester and dope jokes aren’t back, we have seen the return of some of the decade’s worst musical acts (Boston, Fleetwood Mac), plus video games, environmental activism, whale-mania, and economic stag-flation. And with water supplies so low, electricity cutbacks can’t be far off.

One great thing from the ’70s we’re losing is the classic Starbucks Coffee mermaid. The chain’s new logo, previewed in flyers for its first out-of-state store (in Chicago), not only covers up the mermaid’s bust but makes her look like the “international-style” symbol of some Swiss bank or Danish tractor company.

Meanwhile, that late-’70s relic John Lydon and his latest incarnation of Public Image Ltd. have a very slick song called “Seattle,” full of lines about barricades and how “What goes up/Must come down/On unfamiliar/Playing ground.” The video, full of shots of fish and construction cranes, was all shot in London; I’ve played it 10 times and still can’t fully discern what inspired Lydon about Seattle, which he last visited two PiL lineups ago. Still, no local angle can hide the fact that Lydon, who’s now as old as the hippies were when he was slagging them as a Sex Pistol, is becoming the sort of rock dinosaur he’d denounced.

The prospects for the ’70s revival, however, may be dimmed by another decade seemingly anxious to come back — the ’30s. We’ve already got homeless legions and a plunging stock market; now comes a new twist on that nutty ’30s sport of flagpole sitting. Actor William Weir plans to continue living in a tiny room built onto a Millstone Coffee billboard at 45th and Roosevelt until Nov. 12, for a total of 32 days. “I feel like a Woodland Park Zoo exhibit,” he told the UW Daily. A Northwest Harvest collection truck is parked under the billboard…. In other ads, Alaska Airlines had two Gold Lion awards in the Cannes Goods commercials festival recently seen at the Neptune…. Joanne Woodward’s appearing, but not speaking, in Audi ads. Here’s what she might say: “My husband Paul puts his life on the line when he gets in his race car. Now I can experience that same thrill every day.”

The most telling moment at The Transit Project performance piece came at the end. I stayed at the start-finish bus stop, waiting for a real bus to take me home. The rest of the audience all left by car. For all I know, perhaps nobody at any of the performances had ever ridden a Metro bus before. They’re missing a lot of real-life drama, much more interesting than the Yuppie angst of The Transit Project, though not as well choreographed.

Local publication of the month: An anonymous flyer posted on light poles around town. For a title, it has a graphic symbol that looks like computer-punchcard lettering in Arabic. #6 has an essay on “The Freedom to Give Away Freedom,” a chart comparing gorilla and human cranial cavities, an Einstein quote, four brief poems, drawings of goddesses and half a dozen other items — all on one legal-size page.

Pioneer Square’s bicycle police unit’s gained major press attention lately. Nobody’s mentioned that Seattle didn’t have the idea first. On an early Letterman show, Harry Shearer did a skit showing still photos he claimed were from a pilot for a bicycle-cop TV show. Shearer on his bike was shown aiming a gun at some bad guys, “but of course we can’t shoot them because we’d fall off the bikes from the recoil.”

An independent convenience store in town recently displayed a life-size cardboard stand-up display of a slickly made-up woman in a low-cut evening gown. Anyone with real taste, she asserts, will treat her to a bottle of Thunderbird — one of the horrible fortified wines the county may soon ban. The idea that any Thunderbird drinker could still have enough self-control left to accurately put on eyebrow pencil is just its most obvious improbability.

Imagine the gall of the developers who announced a 150-acre theme park (similar to California’s Knott’s Berry Farm) to be built near LaConner, perhaps the only place in the state besides Port Townsend where a promoter of such a thing’s likely to get thrown into an acid-filled hot tub.

Philm Phun: William Arnold said the Union St. locations used for House of Games should be declared an historic landmark. He’s a bit late; the buildings are all slated for demolition or fatal remodeling…. Have you ever met anybody in Seattle who talks like the people inA Year in the Life?…. Vital film series to attend include Kenneth Anger’s Magick Lantern at SAM, A (Samuel) Fuller Frenzy at the Phinney Neighborhood Center, and 911’s Open Screening of local films and videos the second Monday night of each month at the New City Theater.

As you ponder the mixed messages of the Honda Spree scooter seen on Queen Anne with a “no-55” sticker (it can’t go faster than 30), be sure to watch Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures Sat. morns (the first consistently good thing Ralph Bakshi’s ever made), see The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle at the Seattle Children’s Theater, don’t buy cheap stocks just because the certificates make elegant wallpaper, and return here next time.

6/86 ArtsFocus Misc.

(the first Misc. ever)

This “At Large” column will mainly discuss things that don’t fit into the other ArtsFocus departments, but which are still a part of the culture in which we live. All opinions are my own, not necessarily those of the Lincoln Arts Association or its affiliated artists, supporters or advertisers. This column does not settle wagers.

I keep expecting one of the student DJs on KCMU or KNHC to mispronounce the name of the current Bathhouse Theater production as “A Day in the Life of Vic and Shar-day.” Hasn’t happened yet, though.

LOCAL SMALL PRESS PUBLICATION OF THE MONTH: Manzine, from Tom Grothus’s Function Industries Press. If you’ve ever seen the droll humor of Function’s little cartoon books (Errata, Land of the Cynical Dog-Men), you’ll enjoy this tiny collection of comics and stories. Available at Art In Form in Belltown, 2nd Story in Wallingford and other better book outlets.

LOCAL JUNK FOOD OF THE MONTH: Vernell’s Gummy Transformers. Not only can you make them do robot aerobics by twisting them around (they never snap apart), but the very concept of violent Japanese robot toys depicted as colorful, chewy candies made in Bellevue contains almost Zen-like ironies.

Until further notice, the worst comic strip in the newspapers is Boomer’s Song. David Horsey, the P-I editorial cartoonist (now on sabbatical in Britain) and progressive Christian, obviously feels offended by ex-radicals now engaged in airheaded materialism. Unfortunately, Horsey’s contempt for his characters is too heavy-handed, his gags more bludgeoning with an unfunny punchline lettered in boldface italic with an exclamation point. While Horsey’s in Britain, he should get some lessons from Andy Capp cartoonist Reg Smythe in making unsympathetic characters appealing.

On the national scene, National Public Radio had a tribute to the late folk singer Phil Ochs a few Saturdays ago. It finally made this liberal understand what other people have against liberals. The show featured a number of Ochs’s fellow folkies. They all embodied, but didn’t discuss, the dilemma of how to love the Common Man and hate the Great Unwashed at the same time. One of them interrupted his off-key dirge to The People by remarking, “In the old days everyone would be singing along by now.” There was a lot about Us vs. Them, Them consisting of Ronald Reagan and Jerry Falwell. You can tell when a liberal has it all wrong when s/he pays too much attention to the paper tiger Falwell and not the real bigwigs in DC.

Elegant posters were up around town last month for “Elan 86, An Expression of Self-Assurance,” a fashion show by design students at Seattle Pacific University. Didn’t make it to the show, but the clothes on the poster were quite sharp. It’s nice to see a sense for good looks among the Free Methodists, operators of SPU and known as one of the most modesty-obsessed religions this side of the Mennonites. (SPU used to send recruiting brochures to high schools with a cover photo of the Phinney Ridge traffic sign pointing in opposite directions for Zoo and Seattle Pacific University. The comparison was intended, not just with big universities, but with other little religious schools.)

You certainly wouldn’t have seen any Free Methodists among the corps of tract-passers seen downtown recently. They held colorful red-and-white flags with a Gothic crest and were dressed like refugees from a Renaissance Faire. Their big two-page tract proclaimed that Halley’s Comet was a sign from the prophet Jacob, signalling the impending punishment of “tyrants and despotisms,” leading to the victory of the true believers. The whole thing is beautiful, with shocking pink headlines and 1940s-style graphic design. It even has small-print sheet music to a non-rhyming hymn: “Co-met comes to destroy / Kingdom of beasts and tyrants / Christ the Lord shall come soon / To build up Cosmic Republic.” I’m not passing judgment on the theology of this Grace of Jesus Christ Crusade, based in Taiwan; I just like their style.

The style of humor on KING-TV’s Almost Live has improved greatly in recent weeks due to a new crop of writer-actors, including former Off the Wall Players Andrea Stein and Joe Guppy. One of their ex-colleagues, Dale Goodson, has recently turned from comedy to music with the Dick Everson Trio; another, Mary Machala, was, at last report, part of the off-season staff at the Grand Canyon National Monument.

In other video events, Frito-Lay has a commercial in which the suave Tostitos man converses, through the miracle of film editing, with Addams Family stars John Astin, Carolyn Jones, Jackie Coogan and Ted Cassidy. The fact that all but Astin are no longer with us just adds to the macabre aura associated with their beloved characters. I’m sure the posthumous endorsements are approved by the actors’ heirs; Frito-Lay once got into big trouble with the W.C. Fields estate over the unauthorized use of a “W.C. Fritos” character.

The 17th University District Street Fair was almost identical to the 7th, the earliest one I saw. The rainbow candles, seascape prints, brown leather sandals and wooden duck toys were just as trite then as now. It’s hard to imagine merchandise like that ever having been fresh. Since the fair has always been tightly controlled by a screening committee employed by a Chamber of Commerce, I suspect it may have been this stale from the beginning, an attempt to tame the hippie spirit into a tourist attraction. It’s sad to see all these aging craftspeople who might have become innovative artists save for the need to please committees.

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”– Albert Einstein

“The mediocre mind you encounter may be your own.” — Gilbert Hernandez