Last June, I wrote a piece entitled “Notes to a Potential Girlfriend.”

That piece was all about me.

This time, I’m fantasizing/riffing about who I would like that potential girlfriend to be.

She would be, more or less, as follows:

• Any adult age; though if you’re much younger, be aware that I don’t stay up ’til 2 as often as I used to.
• Any ethnicity, skin color, or hair color.
• Won’t try to convert me into becoming a Christian, a vegan, a stoner, or a Libertarian.
• Will let me keep my “room of one’s own;” will let me keep it messy.
• Will let me hold, more or less, to my odd (but never deliberately so) tastes in food, music, apparel, and entertainment. Will let me continue to own and use a television.
• Believes in gender equality, in BOTH directions.
• Allows my needed daily work-at-home time.
• More into soul-melding, intimate lovemaking than porn-style fucking.
• Progressive populist, not alt-culture elitist. (i.e., not a square-basher.)
• Not a female me, which couldn’t exist anyway. A complement rather than a clone.
• Notices things I don’t notice. Knows things I don’t know (which covers, I admit, a LOT of ground).
• Has an open and voracious mind.
• Cares about people and the future and stuff.
• Sees the heart and humanity in other people, no matter what their niche or lifestyle.
• Has eyes that light up the night, and lips to melt into.
• Equally at home in social and private situations.
• A “city mouse.” (I’m not moving to Bainbridge.)
• Preferably not currently married. Preferably.
• NS/LD.
• Preferably without preteen kids (but that’s not a requirement).
• Preferably without implants (but that’s not a requirement).
• Isn’t looking for a guy with money (goes w/o saying).
• Isn’t looking for an “enabler.”
• Doesn’t need to conform to others’ standards of “nonconformity” (ideology-wise or fashion-wise).
• Tells me what she wants; doesn’t just expect me to already know.
• Relatively free of psychotic episodes.
• Centered, self confident, and comfortable in her self.
• Believes love is more important than self righteousness.
• Believes in herself, in others, and in me.

filmschoolrejects.com

Alexander Wolcott at Vanity Fair ponders the not quite as rare as it used to be phenomenon of male nudity in U.S. movies, and sees farce and weakness and busted bravado. He goes on to describe these scenes as…

…caution flags, symbolic indicators of a national power drop that encompasses politics, economics, education—the works. Now that we’re no longer king of the world, American self-confidence is undergoing its own shrinkage; no one believes in the Top Gun jockstrap bravado anymore, and the joshing attitude and shrugging posture our movies have adopted reflect a country and a culture that have lost their spunk and don’t feel like keeping up the pretense of swagger anymore.

As my half-namesake Kenneth Clark might say, more lucidly than I, there are many ways to see a naked man.

The typical Hollywood way is best exemplified in the (phallus-free) Porky’s films: Female nudity is drama; male nudity is comedy. Every sex (or almost-sex) scene turns from enticing to ridiculous the instant the guys drop trou.

And thus you get the premise of Seth Rogan’s entire career.

Anna North at Jezebel.com doesn’t like that male parts only appear on screen to be laughed at:

This stereotype is a bummer for men, many of whom enjoy the chance to be admired. But it’s also sad for heterosexual women, reinforcing the notion that they don’t really desire men, that they’re only interested in guys’ fame or money or desire to get married, and not in, say, their butts.

As for the nation-in-decline part of Wolcott’s premise, there are historical examples to the contrary.

Imperial Greece had plenty of statues and paintings of nude men (or rather, of men with boy-size privates).

Victorian England had a mini-renaissance of nude studies (albeit carefully coded in mythological narrative, at least at first).

And stern-faced nude dudes were prominent in Nazi kitsch art.

Of course, nude paintings, statues, and even posed still photos tend to depict what Kenneth Clark called “the Ideal Form.”

Which isn’t something the makers of the Hangover movies care much about.

treasurenet.com

• Remember, folks: “Rural estates” are not farmland. (And in my mind, vineyards only technically count.)
• Rumblings about a new SoDo basketball/hockey area heat up with revelations of high-level discussions between would-be developers/team owners and city bigwigs. The object: a development deal that wouldn’t need the city funds it legally can’t get. Also, the NBA’s Sacramento Kings could be moved, as early as next season.
• A tangible, physical Amazon store in Seattle? Believe it when you see it.
• A Seattle (and specifically Capitol Hill) institution, Phil Smart Mercedes-Benz, is being sold. The new owners plan to consolidate operations at the dealership’s newish Airport Way site, abandoning the East Pike Street HQ it’s held all these past 52 years. The Smart family will continue to own that property, one of the last remnants of the old Pike/Pine Auto Row.
• The Capitol Hill Times, a neighborhood paper for which I worked, off and on, in mostly part-time capacities between 1984 and 2011, has been sold to a foreclosure-services entrepreneur. His apparent business model for the paper is as a forum for legal notices, including his own.
• A tiny piece of the old Washington Mutual is left standing. It’s a mortgage reinsurance unit, and it could become profitable as early as, say, 2019.
• A few months back, we mentioned how the kind of artisanal video that used to be made for cable access is now made for YouTube. The latest example is a new online comedy series. It’s called Local Brew. The titular “brew” is Rainier Beer—which has not been a local product for more than a decade.
• Can today’s China be rightfully described as a fascist state? And if so, what kind of light does that shine on the “progressive” western corporations (from Redmond, WA as well as Cupertino, CA) who have all their stuff made there?
• I don’t always agree with Chris Hedges, but he’s spot on when he calls out violent “anarchists” as a “cancer” within the Occupy movement.
• Super Bowl SPQR: An actual exciting game, which went down to the final play. The commercials: the same old misanthropic “hip” violence. The halftime show: more “global superstar” over-the-top-osity, this time with Centurions. At least Madonna didn’t do the fake-English-accent thing this time.
• The folks at KCPQ would really like a Seattle Super Bowl. That is to say, a Super Bowl held in Seattle, not one in which the Seahawks would play (which seems even more remote these days). What would hosting the big game mean locally? Think of it as a big convention. Sixty thousand people (mostly people who can afford $16,000 tickets) descending here for perhaps a week. Oh, and some for-the-locals “fan fest” in the parking lot a couple days before.

sherilynn fenn in 'two moon junction'

The former bit actor (born Zalman Lefkovitz in 1941) made his first big career splash in 1988 when he wrote and produced the softcore classic 9 1/2 Weeks.

That film’s success led to a career as America’s premiere erotic filmmaker of the time, with the minor classics Wild Orchid, Two Moon Junction (Sherilynn Fenn’s springboard to fame), and Delta of Venus (arguably a better Anais Nin adaptation than the higher-budgeted Henry and June).

Even before Henry and June‘s disappointing box office led Hollywood’s theatrical distributors away from sex flicks, King had branched out into late night cable shows, starting with the still-famous Red Shoe Diaries (David Duchovny’s springboard to fame).

In a sub-genre known for some of corporate media’s shoddiest production values, King’s shows and TV-movies stand out. They display lush (if clichéd) lighting/photography and poetic dialogue/narration. The sex scenes are choreographed to convey warmth more than “heat,” accompanied by King’s trademark fusion-jazz sax soundtracks. King helped fund these projects by distributing them on video, emphasizing distribution at Blockbuster and other outlets that didn’t carry hardcore porn.

A devoted family man in spite of his subject matter, his wife and two daughters were key members of his production team.

From time to time he branched out beyond the skin-flick genre, including documentaries about dancers and surfers. But those were sidelines to the sex stuff. Battling cancer in recent years, he kept producing and sometimes directing more TV-movies and series. A pay-per-view website for these was announced last year but never launched.

And yes, he died at the age of 69.

freecabinporn.com

• This site of nothing but pictures of countryside cabins (rustic to postmodern) reminds me of my young adult years, when all writers were supposed to want to live in cabins. I never did. To me, the countryside was something to escape from.
• On a similar thread, some of the same “writerly lifestyle” folks who’d demanded that I be a mellow back-to-nature lover also kept laundry lists of everything they hated about the modern world. Meet today’s incarnation of that trope, Jonathan Franzen.
• NHL hockey in Seattle: even more likely?
• Here’s something novel for ya: Scenes of women in superhero comics that female readers actually like!
• When a Google attorney goes on a Time Warner site to advocate for less draconian copyright laws, something’s going on. I don’t know exactly what, but something.
• A young Brit couple Tweeted® about their upcoming trip to the States. They said they were gonna “destroy America” by, among other hard-partyin’ things, “digging up Marilyn Monroe’s grave.” Agents arrested ’em on their arrival at LAX, detained ’em, and shipped ’em back home. They insist they were just joking. Memo to Homeland Security: Anyone who actually wants to destroy America probably won’t Tweet® about it.
• If the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation wanted to keep selling itself as the voice of defiant courage, it shouldn’t have caved to the phony right wing smear campaign against Planned Parenthood.
• Don’t watch porn on your laptop in a public library where kids can see it. Make ’em find the really good sites on their own.
• Just why do restaurant websites so consistently suck?

• The City of Seattle and the Port of Seattle are getting together to publicize local music at Sea-Tac airport. The campaign will involve piped-in music and in-terminal announcements read by local music stars, plus videos, still images projected on screens, and a local music feed on the airport’s WiFi network. There’s an opening party with four live bands on Saturday. That’s all nice, but what would really make it rock would be Maktub covering Brian Eno’s Music for Airports!
• In the ashes of Masins Furniture’s departure from Pioneer Square and the loss of the nearby 619 Western art studios, ambitious developers say they want to turn two of the three adjoining Masins buildings into “PiSquare Arts,” a complex of work and live/work spaces. The developers vow to make the units “as affordable and artist friendly as we can.” Can any non-subsidized remodel create actual artist spaces, not just architectural offices falsely billed as “artist spaces”? We shall see.
• Who doesn’t like the state’s apparently about-to-pass gay marriage bill? Catholic leaders. Who doesn’t like the Catholic leaders’ dislike? Catholic laypeople.
• Some wags are snickering at Michelle Obama’s current Reader’s Digest cover. They claim she’s making a hand gesture that looks like the American Sign Language image for a certain body part. Of course, she could just be giving a shout-out to her brother, who coaches a certain college basketball team with a certain team name.

uw tacoma

• There are certain streets in any region that fully express the full history and character of their places. Around here, there’s one street that particularly tells the tale of the Northwest, its industry, its development, its hopes and its despairs. I speak of South Tacoma Way. And of the UW-Tacoma students who’ve made a lovely brief history of this important road. It’s available as a free PDF from the link above.
• A couple of Republicans in the state Senate have bravely stood in favor of the gay-marriage bill currently under discussion. Of course, in today’s GOP no good deed goes unpunished.
• Non-scandal of the week: Casual readers might be shocked to learn the University United Methodist Temple holds a weekly “Sext Service.” But it’s really just an informal midweek worship, named after the Latin word for the “sixth hour.” (I was raised Methodist, and they are one of the more liberal mainline-Protestant sects, but they’re not that liberal.)
• No Comment Dept. #1: The Newspaper Association of America’s launched a PR campaign insisting that “Smart is the New Sexy,” and that newspaper reading (print or online) is the way to smartness.
• No Comment Dept. #2: The stolen Seattle men’s pro basketball team will star in a forthcoming Warner Bros. movie. (All right, one comment: Go ahead. Hiss the villains.)
• The intellectual property industry’s Internet censorship drive (via Congress) might be stalled for now, but the industry proceeds on other fronts. Case in point: the Supreme Court’s ruling, on the industry’s behalf, that public domain works can be re-copyrighted.
• David Letterman still has a woman problem.
• Cracked.com, that funny list-based-long-essay site that bought its name from a defunct MAD magazine rival, occasionally runs something that turns out to be deadly serious. Example: “7 Things You Don’t Realize About Addiction (Until You Quit).”

revel body, via geekwire.com

• Seattle’s really got some high-tech hardware geniuses. Among them: the folks who’ve taken the same principles behind the Sonicare toothbrush and applied them to create advanced 21st century vibrators! (Really.)
• We’ve previously mentioned the strong presence of women’s erotica among Amazon’s e-book sales. Now come charges that some of the self-published smut books are stolen from stories posted for free viewing on erotica websites. (These allegations are against the small-time publishers, not Amazon.)
• Crazy Wall St. idea of the week (thus far): A local corporate-buyout analyst showed up on CNBC and said Microsoft should buy Barnes & Noble.
• Here’s one way to make money off of the walking renaissance. Make a big venture-funded software thing to help folks find homes to buy in walkable neighborhoods.
• Our ol’ pal Geov Parrish believes the state budget mega-crisis might, just might mind you, lead to talk, or even actual action, toward reforming Washington’s mighty regressive tax system—by far the principal failing of a local “progressive” politic that never dares challenge big business.
• On a related matter, state House Speaker Frank Chopp is floating the idea of Wash. State running its own bank, just like North Dakota. Or something as close to a bank as the state constitution now permits.
• The Mariners lose one really good pitcher, gain one maybe decent-hitting position player. What could possibly go wrong?
• Who knew the original Ladies’ Home Journal was so prescient? A 1911 list of “What Might Happen in the Next Hundred Years” predicts “telephones around the world,” airplanes used as “aerial war-ships,” automobiles “cheaper than horses,” “trains one hundred and fifty miles an hour,” grand opera “telephoned to private homes,” photographs “telegraphed to any distance,” “cameras electrically connected with screens at opposite ends of circuits,” ready-to-eat meals in stores, genetically modified foods, and even global warming. Writer John Elfreth Watkins Jr. did get a few things wrong, such as “hot and cold air from spigots,” the deliberate extinction of mosquitos, and the removal of C, Q, and X from the alphabet. Watkins also didn’t predict that his magazine would still be in business today, after many of its compatriots went to the great newsstand in the sky.
• Clever videomakers in Montana have released a thoroughly obliterating parody of a particularly dumb “rebel lifestyle” pickup truck commercial.
• And a great big thank you for those who attended the Seattle Invitationals Sat. nite, at which I performed what I hope was a respectful, straightforward rendition of the Presley classic “You’re So Square (Baby I Don’t Care).” Since this is the 50th anniversary of the Seattle World’s Fair, I’d wanted to perform the best song from It Happened at the World’s Fair. But the live band didn’t know it. So here it is for all of you, in the original rendition.

• Half of Mt. Baker Adams’s glaciers are gone. Will the Republicans exhort us to let them finish the job?
• Sue Basko from Occupy L.A. has a guide to stop your protest from getting “hijacked,” either by peripheral single-issue groups, cults of personality, or opponents who want to make you look bad.
• Retired TV news producer Sandy Goodman calls today’s Republican Party “The Single Biggest Threat to America.”
• Harold Pollack reminds us that Ron Paul has more baggage, beyond the racist diatribes issued under his name.  Seems Paul’s purist devotion to the “you’re on your own” social meme extends to hating Medicare, Aid to Dependent Children, and other safety-net mainstays.
• The question shouldn’t be whether Pat Buchanan’s out at MSNBC. The question should be why the channel kept him on for so long, as a Morning Joe panelist and pundit/interviewee on other shows. If I were a conspiracy theorist (which I’m not), I’d suggest he was the channel’s house conservative because its leaders liked to make conservatives look bad.
• PoMo alert: Here come buildings designed vaguely like trees, but which are not in trees and do not directly incorporate trees (except to the extent that they have lumber in them).
• The most wholesomely erotic sight you’ll likely see this week: underwater stills of one naked Russian woman and two whales (also naked).

Local news items, and my one-take comments on them, should return in greater quantity starting Wednesday. Meanwhile, some more stuff from here and from the larger online world:

• Eric Scigliano says Seattle can’t inspire a comedy like Portlandia or the old Almost Live! because we’re no longer lovable “underdogs.” I say bah. If that were the case, there would be no great comics from New York. (Of course, a lot of New York comedy is about individual lovable underdogs trying to survive life in New York.)
• David Goldstein gently chides SeattlePI.com’s most famous remaining employee, political commentator Joel Connelly, for suggesting that (1) Seattle liberals should be more kind and appreciative toward moderate Republicans, and that (2) moderate Republicans still exist.
• Here’s one person who defends Village Voice Media’s sex-ad site who doesn’t work for Village Voice Media. She’s Jill Brenneman, a self described sex-workers’ advocate.
• A blogger about “natural health and freedom” sees ordinary folks becoming more violent in ways that remind him of corporate/governmental/military brutality. He calls it “trickle down tyranny.”
• A writer of space-opera novels pens a “private letter from genre to literature,” in which he says highbrow-lit fans should learn to appreciate the world of the bestsellers.
• Glenn Greenwald believes that despite his racist legacy, Ron Paul still offers up some ideas progressives should listen to. As for me, a white supremacist who wants to legalize pot is still a white supremacist.
• Mental Floss offers a list of nostalgic sounds of yesteryear—the sounds of rotary phones, manual typewriters, and TV channel selectors.

I’m still on the highly time-consuming contract job I’ve been at for a while. This Monday starts week 11 of what was to have been a 7.5-week gig. But it looks like it’s finally on the closing stretch. I’ll have a full report when it’s done.

Meanwhile, I’ve continued to collect wacky n’ weird links fer y’all. They include the following:

• KPLU revisits out that ol’ regional quandary, do Nor’westerners have an accent or not? And if there is a Northwest accent, how should it be defined?
• Umberto Eco sez, “People are tired of simple things. They want to be challenged.” I’d trust what he says. I like Eco. Even if he’s no longer playing with the Bunnymen.
• Barry Ritholtz insists it wasn’t the poor people getting mortgages that caused the housing bust, no matter what the right-wing-media blowhards now bluster. It was a collapse of private corporate policies that were doomed to fail in the long term; policies instituted here and globally.
• Naomi Wolf claimed online last week that the crackdowns on Occupy encampments in cities around the nation had help and coordination from the Feds. This accusation turns out to be an unsubstantiated rumor. The brutality of those individual crackdowns, though, is all too sadly real.
• William M. Chase at The American Scholar says there was a golden age for college English departments in this country. It lasted for less than 30 years, about as long as the golden age of radio. It’s been over for almost 40 years, with no reincarnation in sight. Chase claims only one thing could bring back student and administration interest in lit studies. That’s if appreciation of great literature is hyped as a worthy pursuit in and of itself; not as a route to a cushy faculty career, nor as a mere sidebar to ethnic/gender studies.
• Meanwhile, the NY Times ponders whether a college degree, as a purely careerist strategy, is worth the cost anymore.
• Katie Roiphe finds lessons in how to live from a man who decided not to live any longer, the maximalist author David Foster Wallace (he’s also one of my own all-time faves).
• Turns out folks other metro areas have had the same idea that Seattle’s viaduct-replacement-tunnel opponents had—the idea that cities need fewer freeways, not more.

I haven’t been posting lately because I’ve been working overtime at a contract job. It was originally to have lasted 7.5 weeks. I’m now on week 9, with perhaps two more to go.

I’ve also been fighting off a persistent bug. It’s not bad enough to lay me up, but enough that I’m staying home this holiday (rather than risk exposing my 81-year-old mother).

But back to this temp gig I’ve been doing. I’ll tell the whole story (well, that which I’m allowed to tell) at a later date. But for now, I will just say that what I’m doing involves books. They include some of the best, worst, and weirdest books available to U.S. readers.

How weird, you ask?

One of my co-workers is chronicling some of the weirdest at the blog Wet & Wilde. (It’s severely not safe for work, if your work isn’t mine.)

• Jezebel and Gawker each snark away at the absurdist extremes of commercial “sexy” Halloween garb.
• The Olympian has some cogent reasons (as opposed to the TV ads’ scare-tactic reasons) why Washington state’s liquor business shouldn’t be turned over to Costco.
• Jerry Large is the first local mainstream reporter to note the connection between Occupy _______ and the Vancouver mag Adbusters.
• Buried within a statement of support for Occupy Seattle, city councilmember Nick Licata floats the idea of a municipal income tax.
• There’s a whole site of writers expressing support for Occupy ______. One of its best entries, as you might expect, is from Lemony Snicket.
• Matt Honan claims to speak on behalf of millions of grownup children of prior recessions when he proclaims, “Generation X is sick of your bullshit.”
• Is Target really better than Walmart? Allegedly, not when it comes to working conditions.
• Microsoft’s opened a retail outlet in U Village, right across a parking lot from the Apple Store.