HERE AT MISC., the column that hated Valentine’s Day long before it was hip, we can hardly wait for the first snack foods with Procter & Gamble’s Olestra (the the re-engineered fat molecule that slides thru the body instead of staying around). It’ll also be the first junk food line since the old saccharin scare to carry govt.-mandated warning labels that the stuff might cause “loose stools.” (No wonder P&G’s backing it! An excuse for new Tide and Pepto-Bismol promos!) Speaking of food tech and its discontents…

HORMOANING: I’m miffed Savage got to write before I could about how after two decades of certain folks blaming excess testosterone for everything wrong in the world, now a few renegade scientists (as covered in the New Yorker and Esquire) say we’re really suffering from estrogen poisoning. They claim industrial pollution and food-tech chemicals mean the world’s females are hitting puberty at earlier ages while its males are getting pudgier and less fertile. I know some who’d say a more “feminized” species is just what society needs. Others would claim lower sperm counts would be good for our overpopulated planet. Maybe there’s really a biological basis to that “threatened male” talk last election season. Speaking of last vestiges of dude-osity…

LOCAL PUBLICATION OF THE WEEK: Mansplat is a too-clever-for-its-own-good 12-page tabloid put out by local rock promoter, author, and Almost Live! “Lame List” cast member Jeff Gilbert. It’s devoted to “Bathroom Litter-Ature For Men… But Chicks Can Read It Too!”. B movies take center stage in the latest issue (dated “Sunday, 1996”), with “The Mad Max Anger Management Course” and a tribute to horror/ sci-fi nude scenes. Also, KCMU “Rap Attack” DJ Glen Boyd writes about that thing on Mars that looks like a face. Available at the Crocodile Cafe and from 2318 2nd Ave., #591, Seattle 98121. Speaking of boy-entertainments…

CEL-ING OUT: This year’s TV gluts, trash talk and preppie sitcoms, have already passed their peak. Next year’s TV glut: cartoons. All the new pseudo-networks want their own weekday and weekend animation blocks, so they’re buying almost any idea they get. Among the series either in production or development, according to the Hollywood Reporter: New versions of Richie Rich, Casper, Little Lulu, Ghostbusters, Roger Ramjet, Superman (with ’30s-futuristic settings), and Gene Deitch’s legendary Nudnick. A hi-techNew Jonny Quest with computer-animated gadgetry and a sterner-looking hero. Duck Daze, in which Huey, Dewey, and Louie look more like mall rappers. Sinbad (producer Fred Wolf’s ripoff of Disney’s Aladdin). An animal-cast Oliver Twist (Saban Productions’ ripoff of Disney’s Oliver & Company). Pocahontas: The Princess of American Indians (Mondo TV’s ripoff of…). A Flash Gordon that looks like Marvel’s Silver Surfer. Cartoons based on movies that just came out (Jumanji), have been around (The NeverEnding Story, Poltergeist), or aren’t out yet (Starship Troopers). Shows based on toys that just came out (Sky Dancers) or aren’t out yet (Beast Wars). A Hello Kitty series in which the cute cat actually has a mouth. Tex Avery Theater, inspired by the late master of frenetic animation and incorporating him as a character (but not using any characters he created). Soap on the Range, “The World’s First Animated Soap Opera.” Even The Blues Brothers: The Animated Series.

With all this work (even though most of it’s finished by foreign sweatshops), there’s a shortage of animation artists in L.A. If you want a job and can hurry there’s an Animation Opportunities Expo, 2/24 at the Universal City Hilton. Despite this boom, the Reporter noted that John Kricfalusi, who created then lost control of Ren & Stimpy, hasn’t sold any of his post-R&S creations. Speaking of silenced voices…

INTERNET CENSORSHIP PASSES CONGRESS: So much for “getting government off our backs.” Net censorship, and the big-media monopolization bill it was tacked onto, was a politician’s wet dream–a chance to whore out to big business and buy votes from Pat Robertson’s gang at the same time. Their dream is our nightmare. The forces of control want to infantilize our era’s greatest tool for unfettered communicating and organizing. We can’t let them. Legal challenges are already underway; updates are at the WebActive website.