BECAUSE LAST WEEK’S MISC. was a “theme” column, this post-Bastille Day edition’s our first chance to say there’s something about a great Fourth of July fireworks show, particularly when accompanied by stray car alarms in one ear and the show’s official soundtrack in the other (though at least one observer complained that the Lake Union show’s choice of music by Queen–a British band–and music from Titanic–a film about a British ship–seemed odd). Anyhow, those bigtime fireworks really are the perfect expression of (at least some aspects of) the modern-day American Way. That is to say, they’re big, loud, flashy, smoky, and made by cheap labor in China.
AT&T TO MERGE WITH TCI: By this time next year, expect cover stories in Time and Newsweek to breathlessly hype all sorts of wonderful phone calls you’re not able to receive on your own phone.
DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK: Our eternal search for unusual grocery stores has led to a true find. Jack’s Payless Auto Parts and Discount Foods is a large yet homey dual-purpose emporium just beyond the south end of Beacon Hill at 9423 M.L. King Way S. The south wing’s all spark plugs and tires and replacement gaskets. The north wing’s got staple and convenience foods (cereal, canned goods, pop, snacks, wine, beer) at amazing prices. (Last week they had full cases of Miller for $3.99.) If you’re there at the right time, you might be serviced at the checkout by the manager’s nine-year-old son (who makes change fast and accurately, and without benefit of a computerized cash register).
DE-BARRED: The recent loss of The Easy (to reopen as a gay-male dance club later this month) leaves Wildrose as Seattle’s only specifically lesbian bar. How could this happen in today’s out-‘n’-proud times? Maybe it means lesbians have a better time assimilating into the alleged “mainstream culture” than gay men, and hence need fewer of their own tribal hangouts. Maybe it just means gay men have better access to investment capital, or that some gay-male hangouts have become more lesbian-friendly. It could also be interpreted as a community crisis; along with the internal turmoils at the Lesbian Resource Center (described in The Stranger a few weeks back). But on the other hand, maybe this current inconvenience will prove a good thing for the community, bringing women together under one roof who previously had nothing in common but a sex-preference.
SLIDING: We’ve only received a few responses to our call last month for additional Safeco Field puns. The retractable roof will be “the adjustable rate;” when the roof’s enclosed it’ll provide “blanket coverage;” fielding errors would be “deductibles;” umpires would be “claims adjustors;” a starting pitcher on a pitch-count limit would have “a term life policy,” and would be pulled from the game when that policy “reached maturity.” Unfortunately, the team’s currently in need of “major medical,” while its owners have stuck it with woefully-inadequate “managed care.” A satisfactory “settlement” of the team’s woes is nowhere in sight.
Meanwhile, Ballard resident Karen Fredericks’s Seattle Can Say No Committee continues to solicit public support for repealing the whole name-selling part of the original ballpark deal between the team and the county. Considering Safeco’s paying the team over $40 million for the name (almost as much as the doomed Kingdome originally cost!), any usurption of naming rights would undoubtedly lead to the team owners demanding even more of your tax dollars in return. Still, the fantasy intrigues. At our Misc.-O-Rama event last month, attendees offered the following potential substitute names for The House That Griffey Built: “Unsafeco Field,” “Rainier Field,” “Pioneer Saloon,” Apocalypse Now,” “The Money Pit,” “The White Elephant,” “Tremor Tiers,” “Sandman’s Mud” (no, I don’t know what it means), “Ackerley’s Folly” (Supersonics basketball-team owner Barry Ackerley originally assembled most of the real estate the baseball stadium’s now using), and (easily the most poetic suggestion) “The Alien Landing Strip.”
(What’s the only summer reading list that comes out when summer’s half over? The Misc. reading list, of course. Nominate your favorite warm-weather reads today to clark@speakeasy.org.)
