BEFORE WE BEGIN TODAY, a gracious thanx to all who came to my big event last night at the downtown Seattle Borders Books. Another such event’s coming next Thursday (see below). And, again, apologies to those who couldn’t access this site earlier this morning. (I’ve been assured, again, that it won’t happen again.) But for now…

I CLOSED LAST NIGHT’S SHOW with some aphorisms and words-O-wisdom. Here are some more. (Some of these I’ve used before, on the site or in other scattered writings.)

• The baby boomer bragged about how, when he was younger, he marched and protested to try and save the world. The world listened to the boasts and replied, “That’s all nice, but what have you done for me lately?”
• If we printed fewer poems about trees, we’d have more trees.
• A Libertarian is a Republican who smokes pot.
• I watch TV, I eat meat, I shop at regular grocery stores. I demand the right to not be a hippie. (And that doesn’t mean I’m a Republican.)
• If God didn’t want men to watch TV, He wouldn’t have shaped the corners of the screen like a woman’s shoulders.
• Women aren’t just equal to men; men are equal to women too.
• Women and men are just about equally ignorant of one another; but the men are a little more likely to admit it.
• Everybody’s ignorant about something.
• Just about everybody’s beautiful when naked. It’s just that some bodies are better made for wearing clothes than others. But our great-grandchildren will have see-thru, microchip-controlled force fields to keep the air around their bodies warm and dry, so they won’t need to bother with this dilemma.
• People have been having sex since before you were born.
• Everybody loves black music as long as it’s at least 20 years old and performed by white people.
• For 23 years, the picture-postcard view of downtown Seattle from Alki Beach has been of a bookshelf of office towers, bookended by the Space Needle and the Kingdome (both of which were reproduced as Jim Beam bottles you could theoretically use for real bookends). When the Dome goes, that nearly-symmetrical image will go too. Safeco Field just doesn’t make a good bookend.
• The Mariners keep winning at home! Are they feeding Safeco Field food to the opposing teams or what?
• We can’t afford all the money that’s moving here.
• Science uses big words for the sake of precision. Pseudoscience uses big words for the sake of intimidation. Social science uses big words for the sake of obfuscation.
• If you can’t stand the heat, move to Anchorage.

IF YOU MISSED last night’s wonderful live reading/event, there’s another promo for The Big Book of MISC. next Thursday, Aug. 26, 7:30 p.m., at the venerable Elliott Bay Book Co. Be there. Aloha.

MONDAY: How can one be “hip” when there are fewer and fewer “squares” to rebel against?

ELSEWHERE: Some of the top cliches in bad erotic writing: “Everyone has a perfect body you could break a brick on…” “All women in a position of authority have secret desires to be submissive…” “Any woman described as having a scientific occupation will invariably be occupied with making her breasts larger…” “No jealousy…”