And I’m looking to talk to people who’ve worked in local television, here or elsewhere, for research purposes. Email me to set up the details.

MAKE UP LYRICS for your favorite local TV newscasts! Start by downloading the audio files. Then sing along.

Here’s some more detailed refutation of the US right-wing smear campaign against the new Spanish government. No, Fox News, Limbaugh, WSJ, et al., Francisco Franco is still dead.

…disseminating faked pro-Bush TV news reports under the guise of “electronic press releases.” Why didn’t they just let Fox do it like they always do?

CREATE YOUR OWN Law and Order plot!

JUST WHEN HE SEEMED to have disappeared off the face o’ the earth, Bill Maher roars back with a fervent plea for some politician somewhere to unapologetically support gay marriage: “The only thing abominable about being gay is the amount of time you have to put in at the gym.”

…but Jim Henson’s heirs finally agreed on one of Henson’s last wishes, to sell the Muppets to Disney.

The Canadian and Ontario governments paid Conan O’Brien to tape four shows in Toronto; then went all up in arms over O’Brien’s anti-Canadian and anti-Quebecois insult jokes.

Someone at Slashdot, in a comment that seems to have scrolled off the site, wrote:

“In a country where it’s okay to fry mentally ill people to death, let any eejit carry a gun, consume a huge proportion of the world’s resources and invade a country for dubious reasons, exposing a bit of human flesh is greeted with the sort of outrage that you’d think would be reserved for the end of the world.”

Of course, that’s the whole point. The right-wing sleaze machine loves violence (physical, verbal, emotional, etc.) and loathes sex (especially pleasurable, loving, or otherwise “girly” sex).

And the youth-marketing industry, which devised the Super Bowl halftime and most of the Super Bowl commercials, loves everything hard and “edgy” and hates anything soft and subtle. Faced with record-low TV viewership levels among the corporately-prized young male demographic, marketers are trying to outdo one another in vulgarity and desperation. It’s not that their audiences want this; it’s what they, the marketers, want their would-be audiences to want.

So, in the commercials, we got “jokes” about the following: A farting horse, little children saying a bleeped-out cussword, a wheelchair crash, a dog biting a man’s testicles, a talking monkey hitting on a woman, an old man beating an old woman, a football referee refusing to talk to a nagging wife, a man getting an unexpected bikini wax, and the very idea that a skinny man could love a heavy woman. All of these were just fine-‘n’-dandy with CBS and the NFL. (As were the two erectile-dysfunction-drug commercials, one of which included explicit language.)

In a further attempt to attract young nonviewers, CBS turned the halftime festivities over to sister company MTV. It staged a predictably rude and trite affair with mercifully short performances by has-beens Kid Rock, P. Diddy, Justin Timberlake, and Janet Jackson. Aside from Jackson’s reprise of the oldie “Rhythm Nation,” all the lyrics were about rude dudes boasting of their sexual-conquistadory prowess. Again, all that was OK’d in advance by all concerned.

Then, in the last dance move of the show, Timberlake (a mediocre dancer-singer known primarily for his write-ups in the gossip pages as the first boy to spear Britney) ripped open Jackson’s tear-away blouse and, officially “accidentally,” slipped her bra off as well.

This is far from the first “costume accident” on broadcast TV. (Remember Lucy Lawless’s rendition of the U.S. national anthem at a hockey game back in ’99?)

And CBS has been willing to show seminude women in recent years–as C.S.I. corpses, or as Chicago Hope hospital patients. And the network runs the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, but that’s all edgy and teasy, the way the Super Bowl was supposed to be.

But, like that other youth-marketing vehicle Maxim, rude-‘n’-crude’s OK, but pure physical beauty’s taboo beyond taboo.

Jeff Laurie at Sex News Daily claims the Jackson flash was newsworthy because “like most breasts, it’s scarce, and seeing it is getting a sneak peak at the forbidden fruit.” Uncovered breasts, of course, are far less scarce than they used to be. They’re in fashion magazines, in Oscar-winning movies, on Emmy-winning cable shows, and all over the Internet. But they’re not in “edgy” youth marketing, which is all about forever teasing and never pleasing.

And they’re not in the right-wing bombast culture, forever stuck in the sixth-grade notion that boys who like to blow stuff up are Real Men, but that boys who like girls are faggots.

So now we have, as a blatantly cynical election-year stunt, the Bush FCC promising a swift and thorough investigation into the incident; all while the Bushies keep stalling about 9/11, the Cheney energy plan, and the lack of real causes for invading Iraq.

What does it all prove? That in a supposedly sexed-up pop culture, one of the purest, simplest forms of sexual expression still threatens certain powerful interests–precisely because it threatens the premises of their power.

It looks increasingly possible after Tuesday’s primaries and caucuses in seven states. The candidate was so confident about those contests, he (and Dean) came here, to rally the respective faithful for our own caucuses on Saturday.

The Kerry rally at the Sheraton ran late, as these things usually do. It was scheduled for 7:30, but at 8:15 people were still being herded into the big ballroom. Inside, the event turned out to be the Kerry & Gary Show, with Gov. Locke (seen here to Kerry’s right) introducing the candidate and warming up the crowd.

Kerry’s speech was standard boilerplate stuff. Get a decent health-care system, save the environment, stop sucking up to “Benedict Arnold CEOs,” dump Ashcroft, get some integrity back in D.C., elect a president who’s been on an aircraft carrier for real, bring it on. Some of the comments by audience members were more telling, particularly the catty talks about other audience members who showed up with Dean buttons.

One thing was sure: From certain angles, he looks remarkably like Jon Stewart, or maybe Clutch Cargo. On CNN later that night, the panels-O-pundits (particularly Mo Rocca and Wolf Blitzer) couldn’t get over how Kerry’s emerged as the most manly Democratic candidate in many an election cycle. Thankfully, CNN hasn’t switched to HDTV yet, so you had to imagine Mo and Wolf salivating and sweating at the thought of ol’ Ketchup Boy’s eyebrows, his dimples, his rugged war-hero shoulders.

The other thing I noticed on CNN Tuesday night: Everyone who mentioned Kerry’s speech on the channel used the annoyingly belittling qualifier “Seattle, WASHINGTON,” except, thankfully, for local-boy-gone-big Aaron Brown.

HERE ARE the two most important parts of the big football telecast:

• Janet Jackson’s attempt to prove, once and for all, she and Michael are different people.
• The anti-tobacco ad that wasn’t by a tobacco company, TheTruth.com’s “Shards O’ Glass.”

The game itself was a surprisingly tight, action-packed affair, ending with a last-second field goal. And it was won by the northern team (the New England Patriots), barely beating the southern team (the Carolina Panthers). Perhaps it’s an omen that someone from, say, Vermont or Massachusetts might whoop a certain adopted Texan later this year.

…to fashion photographer Helmut Newton, the king of opulant sleaze, and to Bob “Captain Kangaroo” Keeshan, the king of wholesome salesmanship.

During Keeshan’s heyday, some Seattle-area viewers occasinally wrote in to the daily papers complaining that KIRO-TV showed only the second half-hour of Kangaroo so it could run the more local, and more light-entertainment oriented, J.P. Patches (see the right-hand side of this page). I’m personally glad both hosts got to be seen, because each had his own set of messages and each cared about us young’uns in his different way.

…feel a lot as if I was a townsperson in It’s A Good Life, the Jerome Bixby story made famous in a Twilight Zone episode starring future comic-book writer and Barnes & Barnes novelty singer Bill Mumy.

Our whole society (local, national, global) is being ruined by the collective equivalent to that story’s boy villain–a pre-adolescent mindset of greed and vengeance. Not only must we obey fully, we must obey cheerfully. We must always think good thoughts, even as everything we love is torn asunder. In “lifestyle” journalism, that means the writer must, MUST, MUST absolutely, gushingly adore whatever the upscale demographic target market’s expected to like. Huge ugly vehicles? Snooty restaurants? Fantastic! Development schemes devised to give the waterfront to Paul Allen? Gotta love ’em! Gutting health-care and education funding to support subsidies to Boeing and Amgen? It was good that the politicians did that!

AFTER SEEING a Red Green Show skit about customizing an ordinary modern car with a cut-up fiberglass canoe, I found a webpage about concept and prototype cars from the fifties and sixties. Damn, I wish some of those things had been really made.

…here’s a CBC news report about that wacky new fad, “A network called ‘Internet.'”